i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
