I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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