why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
