why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
