life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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