i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
