2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...so i touched it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
