Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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