She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
