the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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