I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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