so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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