I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
