hotel room ftw
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
