if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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