another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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