I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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