My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
