It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
