I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
