I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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