You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
