idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
