piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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