Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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