Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
