Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
