eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
