We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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