i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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