It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
