why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
