Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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