i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
