I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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