Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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