I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
