I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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