It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
