Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
