Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
