We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
