We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
