my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
