My sheets look like a crime scene.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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