Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
