you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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