i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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