i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
