so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
