I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
