i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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