Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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