I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize