is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
