I CAN MOONWALK!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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