it's like iHOP with fire
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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