I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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