she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize