Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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