someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
