I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
