My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
