Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
