Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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