Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
