Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
