Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she told me i tasted like america
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize