i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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