im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
