new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
